Ok so It's 2:30 am on the dot. I don't know what I'm doing but I was suddenly compelled to write for no reason that's really apparent.

I just came back from Matt's house. I was there because we all went to go visit Austin. His mom died so...

I can't believe his mother died so tragically. It was quite sudden actually. I can't imagine myself in his place. I wouldn't be able to  deal with it. My mother and I share so many things in common and get along finer than most sons get along with their mothers. When I heard about it the first thing I wanted to do was see my own mom and give her a hug..I feel really bad about the whole thing in general.

My life is getting to me. I don't like where I'm at. I'm doing nothing but the opposite of what I want. It seems that I'm only attracted to things that hinder me from what I have my sights on. But then again nothing is really worth it because in the long run it's not that bad. You live then you die. What more is there to say about it.

It seems like I'm crying for other people because I'm all through crying for myself. Everything about this world angers me. I can't stand the ignorance. It's all about that. Everything that's stupid to me derives from it. Blatantly putting it..this world sucks. I want my friends back, my real friends, I want my youth again like when I was 5-6. I want it back because that's when I didn't understand the things that matter to me most now. And what matters to me is what makes my life miserable.  I can tolerate things but when I have to put myself in positions where I'm disrespecting myself for the convenience of society..ugh it's just not the way to go.

I could write forever because my mind is always thinking about something that is worth writing about. This is how my life seems. I see things that transmit to my brain and suddenly my subconcious generates a bias for it preset in my mind by everything I was ever taught or exposed to. So that's it. That's all my life has to offer. Is my mind body and soul. I can abuse my body to play tricks on my mind. I can use my mind to improve my body thus having a more abundant soul...and maybe I can stop writing because nobody will ever read this because they don't need my advice on anything. FUCK YOU.

My days are going by so hollow. My dick smells. Ugh. I'm going to bed.